Transforming Co-Parenting: Strategies for a Fulfilling Relationship
A truly fulfilling co-parenting relationship is one where it’s safe to express how you feel, you feel you are understood and valued, and can talk about what your family wants and needs without blaming or shaming.
Sounds like a dream, hey?
A fulfilling co-parenting relationship was not a reality for me and my partner when we first had children. I got frustrated that he was never intuitive about what our children need. He would need me to spell it out: he needs a nappy change; he’s feeling frustrated because his brother just took over the conversation without asking first. There were so many situations where I had read what was happening and my partner had little to no idea what had just occurred..
Sounds like a small thing…but over time, when you feel like you take on the lion’s share of these invisible responsibilities it becomes draining and you can become resentful as I did.
Communication ends up breaking down and the sarcastic comments rise to the fore like “Not that you would have noticed, but Dan needs a bottle now, he’s hungry.”
Is this familiar?
When you’re full of energy, these situations can be absorbed. But when your energy is low it becomes a growing point of tension. If the aim is to thrive then we need to acknowledge that there are some fundamental responsibilities to meet our children’s needs and if we are knowingly or unknowingly not owning these responsibilities then it is likely falling to the other parent.
So many parents grit their teeth and just get on with responsibilities, I know I did…it was quicker and easier to do it myself. And the cost was my inner peace and happiness.
So, if you're ready to transform your co-parenting relationship and create a harmonious and fulfilling dynamic, here's your path forward:
Get Strategic: Take the time to define your shared vision and values as parents. Discuss and align your parenting goals, principles, and the kind of relationship you want to have with each other. This strategic approach will guide your decision-making and help you navigate parenting challenges with clarity and unity.
Uncover Your Blindspots: Reflect on your own responsibilities and examine any blindspots that may be causing imbalances or unnecessary stress in your co-parenting dynamic. Be open to feedback and actively seek ways to support each other more effectively. By identifying and addressing these blindspots, you can create a more equitable and supportive environment for both you and your partner.
Find Common Ground: Develop a shared vocabulary and understanding of each other's strengths and preferences in parenting. Recognise that you both bring unique perspectives and skills to the table. The Parent as Leader assessment can provide valuable insights and facilitate meaningful conversations about your individual parenting styles. For my husband and I, we learned I was really good at reading non-verbals in our children, whereas he was less so. With this awareness, we were able to embrace and leverage these differences to create a well-rounded parenting approach that honored both of our contributions.
By implementing these three strategies, you'll be well on your way to leading effective communication, sharing responsibilities, and coordinating co-parenting. Remember, it's a journey, and progress takes time and effort. But the rewards of a thriving co-parenting relationship and a harmonious family dynamic are worth it. Together, you can create a connected and supportive environment where your children can thrive.
I hope this helps!
Much love,
Dina