How you parent may not be your fault but it is 100% your responsibility

Learning that how I parent was not my fault but 100% my responsibility was both empowering and terrifying in equal parts.

The empowering part was understanding that I was conditioned to think and feel a certain way from the moment I was born and I had no say in this. This is a relief and helps me to offer compassion for myself when I stuff up.

The terrifying part was understanding that now that I knew it was my responsibility to become the parent I wanted to be, there were no excuses. It was my job to uncover, heal, challenge, champion the change I wanted to be as a parent. 

You may be asking yourself how it is my responsibility when my child behaves a certain way. And the simple truth, it’s not. However, you are responsible for how you respond to your child when they behave in a certain way and therefore what your child takes away from the interaction with you. 

Helping myself and my clients really understand and embody this concept has been freeing. Freeing because there is a path to being the parent you choose to be, even if it’s not clear what the path is right now. The path exists. 

I’ve had parents come to me with children being oppositional, bedwetting, not sleeping, not eating their veggies, not listening, feeling anxious. Each of these is challenging for both the parent and the child. And we can feel powerless in changing these situations. 

And in order to feel powerful and feel like we have the power to lead the situation, the answer lies in taking full responsibility for yourself and how you respond so you can be more available for your child to lead the interaction with them. 

Taking full responsibility has been a game changer for me. It’s allowed me to

• Adapt my communication style to my child who I felt alienated by and build a deep connection that I am proud of and nourishes us both. 

• Look at how I do perfectionism and where I may be criticising/tearing down my child and learn ways to build up my child’s perception of themselves as well as my own perception of me. 

• Understand why I get triggered when my child says or does something and learn how to create the space to choose how I respond in the moment.

• Become aware of when I am projecting my triggers onto my child in an interaction when really they just need me to be there for them.

• Love my parents for who they are and not what I wanted them to be because they are a product of their conditioning too, which frees my energy up from blaming and feeling powerless to an energy of choosing and feeling powerful.

• Not needing to prove I am a good parent by my children behaving a certain way but rather being a good parent because of the way I behave. 

• And so much more..

And whilst all of these may seem like big variables, what if there are simple skills that we can learn that enable us to take small daily actions that move us forward as a parent, even when these variables crop up?

Where might you be giving your power away to someone or something else, wishing things were different? And where can you claim 100% responsibility so you can make the difference yourself? 

Parenting and family life become so much easier and enjoyable when you feel aligned to the way you parent your child. 

I’m here to help you be the parent you want to be. Not the one you were conditioned to be…, but the one you CHOOSE to be. 

Much love 

Dina

If I can help you be the parent you choose to be, book a free parent leadership strategy call with me today.