How To COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR CHILD SO THEY CAN HEAR YOU
If you find yourself repeating yourself over and over and your child still doesn’t listen. And you’ve tried various different strategies and they work sometimes but not at other times.
Or you find you get an emotional outburst when you ask your child to come for dinner or come off a screen.
Then read on because this is for you.
Children want nothing more than to please a parent. They really want to co-operate and do their best. But having your child do something because they want to please you, sets them up in the long term to be reliant on your instructions, which is fine when you’re around but what happens when they are older and you’re not there.
Instead, we want to communicate with them to help them so they hear you as well as build their own internal motivation to take action when you are not around.
So why would we focus on building intrinsic motivation for reducing communication battles?
Intrinsic motivation is the key to long term sustainability to work towards goals and helps build a skill of life. Intrinsic motivation says I want to brush my teeth versus extrinsic motivation which says “ I must brush my teeth” Rather than relying on someone else to tell you what to do, you rely on yourself.
Imagine building your child up with intrinsic motivation and them wanting to leave the house in the morning or wanting to eat all of their dinner or wanting to brush their teeth.
How much more peaceful would your family life be??
Whilst it is simple to outline what is involved in building intrinsic motivation, it is not always easy. But once you’ve developed and embodied the strategy every situation thereafter gets easier. It is sooo worth the time and energy.
This strategy led to us waking up late for school one day and being up dressed and out of the house in less than 7 minutes with lunches made - they were 5 and 6 years old. And 3mins were brushing teeth!
I’m going to share with you the 6 steps in my Considered Communication Strategy™ that helps build this intrinsic motivation for more cooperation and collaboration.
Even implementing one of the steps will change the way you communicate and the more you layer the more effective your communication will be.
Step 1: What is going for you in the moment the communication is happening? What are you thinking and feeling? Are you rushed, are you calm?
Step 2: Accept the situation is happening - even when it’s not ideal. People think acceptance is agreeing or tolerating something. It’s not. Acceptance is I don’t like it, I don’t want it and it is at is it is.
Step 3: Consider your family vision and values - what’s important to your family. Knowing what to focus on is critical when you are busy. It’s impossible to focus on everything. You know the phrase “pick your battles” well knowing your vision and values is what allows you to know which battles you pick.
Step 4: Consider your communication delivery - what are your child’s motivations - does she need details? Does he need to have the communication written down or is just saying it enough for him?
Step 5: Share your feedback in way that is neutral and not evaluative or judgemental.
Step 6: When you see the behaviour you want - reinforce in a timely manner - high five!
So what this means for you is, you have everything within your power to influence communication with your child to have them cooperate and collaborate in a way that feels good for you both.
Love
Dina
P.S. Is it time for you to reduce reactivity, overwhelm and stress and start to enjoy parenting a whole lot more?
I have a masterclass coming up called ‘Discover Your Parent Leadership Style’ that I think you’ll love. I dive deep into more ways to motivate your child, and show you exactly how to communicate so they can hear you and so much more.
Claim your free ticket here.
Hope you can join us!
