The biggest mistakes parents make when trying to motivate their kids

You’ve asked your child to do something and they still haven’t moved. You’ve tried to be polite, you’ve stayed calm and you’re feeling proud of how you’ve kept it together..until you repeat yourself for the 109th time … and you snap. 

Sound familiar?

I mean… how patient can you be until you’ve got to move on to the next thing on your to do list?

Hertzberg’s theory of motivation talks about what increases satisfaction and what decreases satisfaction for people at work. If we extrapolate this theory to motivating children,  he says focusing on rewards, family dynamics and food provision is less satisfying to them than focusing on recognition, responsibility and growth. 

So what motivation mistakes do parents make and how can they avoid them?

Mistake 1: Offering rewards instead of responsibility

“You’re not going to get dessert if you don’t eat your dinner.” You are lining up dessert as a reward for completing a meal. Instead, you can say, “if you eat your meal and feel like you have some space for dessert, you are welcome to have some.” Your child takes on the responsibility of knowing if they are full and if they would like dessert. 

Encourage responsibility. 

Mistake 2: Making a comparison instead of recognising personal performance

“Your brother always comes when I ask, why can't you do the same?” Makes a comparison, which is demotivating. Instead, “I really appreciate you coming when I ask and each time you are doing it quicker. Thank you.”

Encourage personal best performance.

Mistake 3: Done for you instead of growth and capability

When you do it yourself because it’s faster and easier, you give into the lure of the short term gain of time and energy.. and miss out on the long term gain of building capability in your child. When they are preparing a snack they will make more of a mess to begin with. Eventually it gets less messy with practice and they’ve built a capability to prepare food themselves for life. 

Encourage growth and capability. 

Motivating children is experimental and drawing on leadership skills from workplaces can help guide us to bring out the best in our children.

P.S. Is it time for you to reduce the reactivity, overwhelm and stress and start to enjoy parenting again?

I have a workshop coming up called ‘Discover Your Parent Leadership Style’ that I think you’ll love. I dive deep into more ways to motivate your child, and show you exactly how to do them and so much more.

Claim your free ticket here. 

Hope you can join us!

Dina x