The gender pay gap starts in our homes

When the WGEA released their latest reports on the gender pay gap, and then the National Working Families Survey released their latest findings. The disparity between 74% of women feeling stressed juggling work and family, compared to 57% of men, indicates there is an urgent need to address this imbalance. 

I was born and grew up in the UK to Indian parents. In my culture, I observed women serving men. 

When I had children with my husband, who is Anglo-Australian, without awareness, I continued this service. 

On a day-to-day basis, this looked like my husband being the main breadwinner, me at home with the kids and tending to their needs and that of the home. Then I felt guilty if I hadn't cooked a meal for us that day because I was also building a business at the time. 

I noticed how much I dismissed the value of the roles I brought to our family: 

Caregiver, teacher, life coach, motivational speaker, CEO, handywoman, chauffeur, maid, chef, personal shopper, playmate.. (what have I missed?!) 

On a day-to-day basis, this looked like clearing up conflict, and buying and preparing food (most of the time). Organising a play date. Booking the dentist. Speaking with the plumber to repair the leak. And the list went on. 

These things fell to me because I was "home" most of the time. 

I know so many mothers who are in highly demanding jobs four days a week and because they work one less day than their partners, they take on the vast majority of the responsibilities. 

And it’s breaking us. 

I also cannot stand the term “weaponised incompetence” used to describe men who don’t “do enough.”

Men carry an enormous responsibility in providing for a family. And my husband was not weaponising anything. 

What he was doing, however, was unconsciously doing what he’d seen in his family and how they’d shared parenting responsibilities. 

That is until we had the conversation to bring out and become aware of the true mental, emotional and physical load that I was carrying.

(Note. It’s not always women. I know some men who carry this load for their families and if you’re a dad in my community, that’s probably you).

But here’s why bringing awareness and having these conversations matter.

The financial needs of a family are important. A roof/shelter, food, sports. It is what we talk about most often. Equally important are the security, love, connection, socialisation, esteem and creativity needs of the child. And we talk about these less in our daily conversations.

If a parent is focused on 1-2 areas the rest falls to the other parent. Our children observe this. And we perpetuate the gap between what typically falls to the mother role and what falls to the father role. 

Further still we need to look at how we value these roles. Roles outside the home have a monetary value. Roles inside the home don’t come with any such value and yet are the most valuable roles we will ever fulfil. 

It takes both parents to become aware of this and break the value bias. If we don’t value women’s roles in the home, how do we expect to value our roles in the workplace? 

So what do we do? 

BOTH parents need to become aware of past conditioning and take full ownership and responsibility for their child in ALL aspects of parenting.

BOTH parents need to fully value the role of parenting and see it as the most important leadership role we will ever fulfil. 

With both parents advocating their role, we now can take quantum leaps in leading our children to a world where we work together in parity for the greater good of our children, their future and the future leaders of our planet. 

It is a small act for a greater outcome. 

My husband and I are living this path. It’s not perfect, bias still creeps in and it only takes one of us to become aware of it to make a more conscious choice as we move forward. 

So I ask you, where might you not be taking full responsibility for your role as a parent? And where might you not be valuing the contribution you make each time you carry out a parenting responsibility? And how can you do more of both?

As parents who are leading the charge, we can accelerate the closing of the gender pay gap if we work together. 

Much love

Dina xxx