The cost of being the perfect parent
I've been feeling off for the past few weeks and just haven’t been able to put my finger on it.
There’s a tightness in my throat, my head feels foggy and my chest feels heavy.
When I feel like this, my mindset is not positive. I feel like nothing I do is right. Nothing I do feels enough. And I feel like I can’t say the right thing to my teens or my husband.
It’s a deflating feeling and a downward spiral and, because of the Emotion Diffuser strategy, I can feel my feelings and not let them spill onto others, so I can still show up.
Perfectionism is not new to me. I’ve always had a drive to be better. But the questions that arise are: Where is the stop and smell the roses' moment? When will I be enough?
The answer in a perfectionist's eyes is NEVER.
It’s a hard pill for me to swallow....because it's consuming and draining my energy.
For me, perfectionism comes from the need to seek approval. To feel worthy. And to feel accepted. Striving for perfection in the past has enabled me to (falsely) feel like I was enough.
I’ve worked hard on releasing my need to be perfect.
I can have a messy house when people come over.
I can leave dishes in the sink if I’m too tired to do them.
I can cope with my teens going to school without their shirts ironed (just!)
I can go to activity pick up with messy hair and leggings if I’ve been working at home all day.
So this new layer of perfectionism that’s snuck up on me, leaving me in a fog for weeks now, from which I’m slowly emerging - that surprised me.
I’m aware what’s caused it…I’m reaching for a new level in my business and it scares me, and it’s causing me to question whether I’m worthy of achieving what I want.
I listened to a podcast today and the host said, “Perfectionism is the lowest standard you can set for yourself.” Ooof that hit me right between the eyes.
And that’s why I wanted to share where I am with you today,
Because when we raise children in a way where they don't need to prove their worth they are more set up to follow their own path and reach for their want in their lives.
Our parenting journey is not perfect and the more we give ourselves permission to be imperfect and still show up in our lives and go for the things we want, we give our children permission to do the same.
If “Perfectionism is the lowest standard you can set for yourself”
it stands to reason then that
"Being imperfect and still feeling good enough" is the highest standard we can set for ourselves, right?
So, that’s my goal for this week. Being imperfect and still feeling good enough..
What about you - does perfectionism grab you from time to time? How can you be more imperfect and enough? How do you encourage your child to be imperfect and enough too?
Much love
Dina xxx