How to Model Healthy Love for Your Children
Do you ever wonder how to raise little Valentines... children who grow into adults capable of deep love, vulnerability, and connection? The kind of love that brings out the best in them and helps them feel truly seen?
After going through a divorce and then finding love again, there was one thing I longed for more than anything:
I wanted my children to be born into a happy, loving marriage.
One where communication flowed with respect, challenges were met with care, love was visible and natural... and yes, where chemistry still sparkled between the parents.
Today, I feel deeply grateful that this is the relationship I share with my husband.
But in the beginning, I didn’t realise how much our behaviour as a couple would shape our children.
The way we speak, the way we move around each other, the way we solve problems... it all sets the stage for what our children will come to understand as “normal” in a relationship.
Over time, I began to see how much my own relationship choices weren’t just about my happiness—they were laying the foundation for the relationships my children would one day experience.
In my work as a coach, I’ve seen this play out again and again.
I’ve worked with many mums who changed their own patterns, and as a result, influenced their partners—and most importantly, impacted their children.
Take Kate, for example.
She and her husband used to argue endlessly about discipline. They’d both get so frustrated, one of them would walk away, and nothing was ever truly resolved. Not surprisingly, Kate began hearing their kids argue in exactly the same way.
After our coaching work, Kate began using a new, calmer way of leading conversations. Her husband softened. Conflict was approached more rationally. Now, when she hears the kids disagree, she hears something different—reasoning, empathy, and constructive problem-solving.
It’s remarkable what’s possible when one parent decides to lead.
According to Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), our communication is made up of:
7% words
38% tonality
55% physiology
That means your tone and body language account for 93% of what your children absorb.
So when you say “Be kind” but snap the words with a sharp tone or tight posture... your children learn more from your energy than your instruction.
So how does this help you raise little Valentines?
Your children will understand healthy, loving relationships by watching you live one.
The words, the tone, the smiles, the affection... they all add up to a blueprint of what love looks and feels like.
Here are a few ways to show your kids what love really looks like (without saying a word):
- Hold hands in the car
- Sneak kisses in the kitchen (they’ll “accidentally” find you!)
- Have a cuddle and a chat on the bed—especially on weekends
- When you kiss the kids goodnight, give your partner a kiss too (my son calls it “the marriage kiss”)
- Flirt while making dinner
- Send an “I love you” text and let the kids see you doing it
These little acts—done with intention and playfulness—plant seeds of love, trust, and connection.
When love is visible, safe, and consistent in the home, your children grow up knowing what to look for and what to give.
This Valentine’s Day, let your love be seen.
What’s one small, playful way you can model connection and affection this week—not just for your partner, but as a gift to your children’s future relationships?
*Names have been changed for privacy.