Talking Honestly About Sex Post Kids

As I write this, I’m on a short flight between Sydney and Melbourne, sitting on a row of three seats... in between two men I don’t know. Part of me is wondering whether now is the right time to write a blog about sexual intimacy. Maybe I should wait until I’m somewhere a little more private...

But here I am. Writing it anyway.

What am I so afraid of?

Honestly, it's the fear of judgment. The vulnerability that comes from talking openly about sex—especially as a mother, as a wife, and as someone who values deep emotional integrity. If you're reading this, it means I leaned into that vulnerability and shared something I believe is important.

Sex after kids is different. That doesn’t make it bad.

My husband and I have been married for ten years. We have a strong relationship and a good sex life. And by “good,” I mean... when we have sex, it’s intimate, connected, and fulfilling. But let’s be real—it’s not frequent enough for either of us.

Like so many couples with young children, we’re constantly navigating two big challenges:
💤 Energy levels
🕒 Finding time alone together

And while sex has always been part of our relationship, we’d never really explored it intentionally. We hadn’t done much research or been particularly curious. That changed recently.

It started with a conversation over tea.

A friend of mine had just come back from a yoga retreat in Byron Bay and told me about a woman she met there—Margot Anand, a Tantra teacher. She said, “You have to go see her.” And as it turned out, Margot was giving a three-hour seminar in Sydney the very next night.

I asked my husband if he wanted to go. He said yes.

So off we went... with open hearts and zero expectations.

The resistance was real.

Earlier that day, I met another friend and found myself hesitating to say what we were doing that night. Eventually I did—and was relieved when she responded openly and supportively.

That moment highlighted something for me:
Despite being in a long-term marriage and having a healthy relationship, I still carried unconscious discomfort about talking openly about sex.

As teens, we brag.
As twenty-somethings, we joke.
And then somewhere in our thirties, especially post-kids, the conversation often disappears altogether. Or gets wrapped in humour to mask the awkwardness.

But the truth is, sex is a normal, beautiful, and powerful part of a healthy relationship. Especially when you’ve got little ones running around and your time and energy are so often pulled in different directions.

So how do we nurture intimacy when life gets full?
Here are 7 things I’ve been learning and leaning into...

1. Know that it’s normal
   Sex is part of a thriving relationship. Exploring it together is not just okay—it’s beautiful. It can bring you closer emotionally, physically, and even spiritually.

2. Embrace vulnerability
   Everyone approaches sex differently—through personal, cultural, or religious lenses. That’s okay. What matters is understanding what’s true for you... and having the courage to honour that.

3. Stay curious
   Approach sex with the same playful curiosity you had when you were first exploring it. Some things will work for you, others won’t. That’s the beauty of discovery.

4. Talk to your partner
   Real intimacy requires communication. Create a safe space to share what you like, what you’d like more of, or what doesn’t feel quite right.

5. Be flexible
   Yes, literally if you want... but more importantly, be mentally and emotionally flexible. There may be things your partner enjoys that you’re not sure about, and vice versa. Explore together, with kindness and consent.

6. Enjoy the awkwardness
   You don’t need to get it perfect. Be okay with it being clumsy or hilarious or not quite what you expected. That’s part of the journey.

7. Have fun
   Let go of performance and lean into joy. Intimacy should be something you look forward to, not another task on your to-do list.

What messages did you grow up hearing about sex?
How have those stories shaped your current relationship with intimacy—especially post-kids?
Take a moment to reflect. And if this blog sparked something in you, send it to a friend or partner you trust. Let’s open the conversation here.