Don’t Allow Yourself to Be a Burdened Parent
So many times I hear people laugh and say they have another child to look after. They are referring to their partner.
Only I don’t think it is funny and if you are seriously considering thriving in the modern day world, then neither should you.
You see, I’ve had clients where:
A partner comes home..
…and expects for dinner to be ready
…and does their own thing, even though the kids are calling out for time with them
Or more subtly…
…waits for instructions on dinner
…waits to be told which child needs to be dropped off and where
And
…does little of the weekly planning and organisation
…doesn’t think about paying the school fees or other bills
Or
…they criticise each time their partner gets involved with the kids or housework
…they feel obligated by duty and/or cultural norms to fulfill their role, rather than questioning what’s relevant for today
And whilst all of these are acceptable on the odd occasion, add some regularity to them and you now have what we term mental load.
Mental load has always existed for parents and with mental bandwidths decreasing with parents juggling work and family at unprecedented levels of intensity, this bandwidth is being stretched beyond the limits of what is healthy and sustainable.
Research tells us that approximately 1 in 3 mums and 1 in 3 dads say their mental health is affected as a result of trying to balance work and parenting responsibilities.
It’s not funny. It’s not a joke. And if you hear someone making a joke of it, it’s because they’re covering up the pain it’s causing them.
Catch the excuses you say: “they’ll never change” “it’s just the way they are” If the load is not equal or you don’t feel like it’s equal, it’s time to bring in some leadership to balance up the scales. You will see your energy improve. Your children will see a great team working together (whether you live in the same house or not) and best of all you’ll increase your presence with your child because you’ve reduced the load on your mind.
Children formulate their beliefs based on the quality of time you can give them. Getting rid of/working through the things that burden you (even if it’s initially difficult), helps you give them more of what they need to thrive.
