Dads, please do better
I heard Michelle Obama today say about men, “Do better. Do the dishes. Be engaged in family life. Be an engaged father.”
Empowered women want empowered men.
Dads I work with often feel like mum’s got things covered or handles certain situations better than them. Or a child prefers mum over them. And they back away, sometimes consciously, often unconsciously. This leads them to feel they are not needed as much or cannot contribute as much as mum.
As they do the work, they realise nothing could be further from the truth...
Taking their power back is imperative to being the dad that they want to be.
Here’s what an empowered dad looks like:
Calls the school or daycare when the child is sick.
Fills the gaps in any way possible to let the new mum sleep, including during the night.
Stays with the challenge when things get hard, without needing to fix it. Just being in the challenge together is enough.
Knows how to attune to a child. Or takes the initiative to learn if they don’t yet have the skills.
Values the parenting role and recognises it as the most important leadership role of their life.
Acknowledges family contribution from self and partner through actions and words. “Thank you for her rocking her to sleep” “I handled that bedtime tantrum with ease”
Never using the word “help” They don’t help their partner, parent. They are the parent.
Makes dinner without being prompted or needing to ask “what shall I make”?
Thinks ahead for birthdays, booking venues, sending invites, organising cake, food etc.
Owns vulnerability as a strength. Your child wants to know your imperfections, know your emotions and connect with you on a deeper level. They NEED this for developing their own sense of self.
Never making your child or partner responsible for how you feel. You and you alone, create your own experience on a moment-to-moment basis. This is the basis of empowerment.
Break cultural and historical norms and biases around how you feel. Men’s feelings have been suppressed for far too long leading directly into the mental health crisis we live in today.
But here’s what I believe is MOST important for all dads (or those in the dad role) to know. You have to know with all of your heart how much your child needs you. Not your partner, not other caregivers. YOU. You provide a unique role in your child’s life. A role of security, protection, safety, inspiration, courage and so much more every single day.
Yes, it takes work.
Yes it’s hard (until it’s not).
Yes, it’s not for the faint of heart.
But it is for you if you want your child to achieve their potential.
To be everything they can be in this world.
And I know you want that because you wouldn’t be here.
THANK YOU to all the dads who are already doing the work to empower themselves, breaking generational cycles and paving the way for their child to reach their potential.
And to the empowered mums - letting go, embracing imperfection, allowing contribution, valuing your own contribution, all play a part in empowered dads doing better.
The African proverb attributed to Martha Goedert goes “If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together.”
Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. We are in this together.
What is your experience or thoughts on this, Charlie? Please hit reply and let me know.
Much love
Dina