Blindspots in Parenting
A few short years ago, when we had parties or play dates or when we met up with friends etc. other people’s children would come up to me and I would bend down, talk to them, play with them. And when my own children came to ask me something I would answer them quickly and focus on the other child again or move on.
Somewhere inside of me, the feeling that I wasn’t spending nearly enough quality time with my children didn’t sit well with me.
Most of the time I ignored this feeling.
It took me a long time to figure out why I did this. It was a real blindspot.
My children were 2 and 4 when I realised that up until that time I had lived my life for others. Others were more important, others took priority and I valued others more than myself. This unconscious pattern of behaviour, although subtle was a real eye opener. Because through my behaviour, I was embedding the same belief I held into my child each time I quickly attended to them and spent longer with other children.
“Others are more important than you, value others more than yourself.”
This was not a belief I wanted to embed in my children.
It seems I am not alone with my blindspot. Researchers from Boston University have found that everyone has blindspots and “it is unrelated to people’s intelligence, self-esteem, and actual ability to make unbiased judgments and decisions.”
Valuing others is not a bad thing. But when it comes to freedom and living a fulfilled life, not being able to prioritise your own needs as much as you prioritise others, can lead to:
Not carving out time for yourself
Not making time for quality family time
Not making time for your relationship
Not prioritising health
Not making space for your children
Because all of these are an extension of you.
Can you relate to any of these?
When I work with clients today, I help them uncover their blindspots and create flexibility first of all in their mind, then in their actions. Some mindset patterns are entrenched and they can take a while to unpack. Once you unpack what’s underneath patterns, rather than force behaviour change, which feels hard – you experience freedom and congruency in your actions, and ultimately a peaceful relationship with yourself.
