Working Parents: How to Make Quality Time with Your Kids Count
Ever heard the phrase, take care of the pennies and the pounds take care of themselves (I’m English born and we say this often!)?
What if the same were true with taking care of the minutes with your child?
“Take care of the minutes and the hours take care of themselves” - Lord Chesterfield
In a recent Parent as Leader session, a parent asked the following question:
"When we’re on leave for school holidays or the weekends there’s less time pressure and I feel more relaxed and patient with our children. But on school and work days I feel so rushed and struggle to be patient and I end up snapping or yelling. This happens more frequently than I would like - how can I improve this time?"
We all want to make the most of our time with children. We feel more fulfilled when we experience quality moments with our children. And children make meaning out of that quality time with us, meanings like: I believe I am worthy of your time. I believe I am worthy of your energy. I believe someone likes to play with me. I believe there’s space for fun even when life gets busy. I believe someone thinks I’m important. These meanings support them to have a solid sense of self for life.
So it's important we ensure this time is the best quality possible. But how do we do this?
My friend and cognitive neuroscientist, Dr. Irena O’Brien, founder of The Neuroscience School, shares with us how our thoughts are self-fulfilling prophecies. By focusing on the quality of our thoughts we improve the quality of our moments and therefore, the quality of our lives.
Quality moments for working parents are about learning how to change your experience of time and making the most of the minutes you have. Time is a concept. How you experience time is a perception and perceptions can change by changing your thoughts.
Let me explain this further.
In any given moment you are subject to your thoughts and beliefs, your expectations of yourself, your expectations of others, your emotions, and your past memories – these all come bearing down on you and can leave you feeling like you have no time or feeling like you have plenty of time.
I’ll show you how this works.
Experience of time moving fast and feeling rushed:
I’ve got 5 minutes, I want some time with Luke, what shall I play with him that he will enjoy, once I’ve finished playing with him I’ll finish cooking, by then it will be dinner time, I know what the kids are having for dinner, what shall we have for dinner, I’ll check in the fridge. Meanwhile, you’ve been sitting there with Luke distracted by your thoughts, the five minutes have elapsed and it’s time to do whatever is next. Neither of you feels fulfilled.
Experience of time moving slowly and feeling calm or unhurried:
I’ve got 5 minutes, I want some time with Luke, what shall I play with him that he will enjoy? Oh, he’s already playing LEGO, I’ll join in with that. [no dialogue in your head, hear his sounds, his giggles, him asking you questions and you answering them]. 5 minutes feels like 15 minutes. You do what’s next, feeling satisfied and fulfilled. Luke feels happy he got some quality time with you and some great meanings are set in motion for him and you.
For working parents, finding quality time with your children can be a challenge. With busy work schedules, it can be difficult to make sure that the moments you do have with your kids are meaningful and impactful. But understanding the way you think and formulating strategies to choose your thoughts will help you deepen your connection with your child in the time you have. It gets easier with practice.
Not every moment with your child has to be quality. A few good quality moments throughout the week are enough to increase your fulfillment and build your child’s solid foundation for life.
Penny for your thoughts? :)
From my heart to yours,
Dina