The harsh reality about spirited children
I recall vividly the afternoon my husband came running into the house yelling my 5-year-old had had another emotional outburst and had run off down the street. Fear pounded my heart whilst adrenaline coursed through my veins as I ran after my husband to find our son.
Have you ever had a situation where your child lost emotional control and you feared for their safety (or the safety of others)?
This was just another regular afternoon. I was in the kitchen preparing some lunch and my husband was in the garden, where our two boys were playing until something didn’t go the way my youngest son had planned - he got angry and bolted.
This was the first time he had left our property… and thankfully it was the last.
These outbursts are stressful and draining and impact the whole family.
And if you have a little person with big feelings that are intense, these outbursts are something you navigate daily.
Maybe you worry about how other people treat your child when he or she is emotional and you feel the impact of rejection when they don’t get invited to playdates or parties. Or you worry as they grow, they won’t be seen and valued for their potential because their behaviour is what everyone will see. Even though you know there is a bright spark underneath.
I know because I’ve been there…
Fast forward 8 years and my son is 13 years old.
Today I sat with him on the couch stroking his hair as he asked me what it was like for me to parent him when he had such big emotions. I replied that it was intense at times and that there is not ONE thing I would change about him or the way we have parented him.
He is everything I imagined he would be and more. He’s still headstrong with amazing self-awareness and self-regulation and most of all, he’s happy with who he is.
So, how do you navigate the emotions without crushing your child’s spirit or losing your sanity?
Be intentional in your communication skills, including listening, acknowledging, and supporting your child in a way that helps your child to calm down in seconds.
Focus on your self-leadership. What is going on for you whilst your child is having an outburst?
Most parenting styles and techniques focus on number one, outlining strategies and phrases, but rarely is the focus on number 2 - self-leadership.
And in my experience, it’s focusing on your own self-leadership - your emotions, your beliefs, and the energy you bring to the situation, that usually makes the difference between situations escalating into hours, and your ability to lead the situation to an outcome you want, in seconds or minutes.
By understanding the concept of coregulation, parents can find creative solutions to parenting dilemmas and stand firm in their values while still being empathetic and supportive of their child.
This has all been true in my relationship with my son and all the clients I have worked with in parenting their spirited children.
You may often feel overwhelmed and frustrated by their outbursts, seemingly endless battles, and seemingly irrational behavior. The harsh reality is that your parenting style and their behavior are connected. With coregulation and tweaks in your parenting style, you can better understand why these struggles arise and how to effectively address them.
Which is why I created this mini-workshop ‘Keep the Spirit in Your Spirited Child and Your Sanity’, to help parents to diffuse emotional battles, and communicate with their children so they can HEAR them and bring out the best in them.
In this on-demand workshop, you’ll discover how to:
Master your emotions, diffuse clashes, and dissolve tension fast
Be respected and valued as a leader in your home
Enjoy each other in a calm and loving environment
If this sounds like something you’d like for your family, you can purchase it here.
Thrive (don’t just survive) the wild ride with your spirited child!