Teaching Responsibility to Children

We got a note home from school yesterday. It was from my son’s teacher letting us know that he hadn’t completed his homework task and wanted us to work with him to ensure it didn’t happen again.

There was a time when a note like this would have had me thinking, "Oh wow, this is serious…receiving a note. I hope she doesn’t think he’s a disrespectful kid, and I’m a bad parent for allowing this to happen." 

But today, my thoughts were, "Oh, he has missed one piece of homework; I’m curious what happened?"

This difference between then and now has been the realisation that any judgment we feel from others is a judgment we are already placing on ourselves. And the less we judge ourselves, the less we judge our children, and the more present we become in that situation. 

So here I am reading this note, and my son walks in from school. I waited until he’d settled in and decompressed from the day and then went to have a chat with him. It turns out he didn’t prioritise the homework because they had just had a huge assessment in that subject that day, and he had prepared for that and decided the homework task wasn’t as important. And he had never missed a homework task before. 

Now, whatever his reasoning, he had made a conscious decision, so I was happy with that. What I wasn’t happy with was his communication. If he had decided that he wasn’t going to prioritise the homework, then I would prefer him to explain that to the teacher so she is aware of what he is thinking, and it then doesn’t come as a surprise when he doesn’t complete it. So I explained that would be my preference. 

And since the homework wasn’t completed and the note had come home. In the first instance, I explained it was his responsibility to apologise for not completing the homework and explain why it wasn’t completed. If the teacher would then still like to talk to us, which I felt was excessive for one piece of missing homework, we can do that as step two. 

It turns out, by the next morning he had completed the homework and handed it in late. 

Navigating these daily situations can be tricky, and there are three key principles I keep in mind.

1. I want him to know I am always on his side

2. I won’t always step in to help immediately, and I will step in as needed

3. He is not a bad kid because he made a “bad” choice.” 

In a world where children get pressured from all sides, I want home to be a place where there is no pressure, but there is a taking of responsibility. 

Where do you struggle with teaching your child responsibility?

Hit reply and let me know.

Much love, 

Dina