Leadership is a Choice
Ever noticed how energy enters a room before the person does? Think about a work setting, one of your colleagues walks in and you instinctively know there’s something going on.
What about your partner or your child, when they’ve had a great day. They come home, energy bouncing off the walls (or their version of this if they’re not animated) because they’re excited. It’s contagious, right?
Your energy reaches your child before you do. When you come home from work, when you wake up in the morning, when you’re on the sidelines of their activity, they are feeling your energy.
There are all sorts of meanings children form based on your energy. The most fundamental meaning – is it safe or is it not safe in this moment.
This morning my son was making his breakfast smoothie. As he went to open up the frozen blueberries, his elbow knocked over the blender cup – oats and banana flew across the kitchen floor.
My historic response in these moments has been anger, borderline rage (based on stories I told myself that now I was going to have to clean that up and it was yet another thing on my list of things to do etc). I could feel that rage rising and used the key self-leadership skill I teach in all my programs, to calm it down quickly. He looked at me wide-eyed, fearing my response. And as soon as I calmed, I visually saw his body and eyes relax.
“Your energy introduces you even before you speak” Source unknown
I grabbed another banana, gave it to him and said, “I’ll clean this up. You make yourself another smoothie.”
He replied,”No, I’ll clean it up, it’s my responsibility.”
I replied,”Thank you for taking responsibility. That’s OK I’ll do it, you’ve got to get school.”
He replied,”Thanks mum. Sorry for the mess”
What meanings did he make in that moment? My hope is he saw me self-regulate my emotions, choose my response, believes it’s OK to have accidents and believe that help is available and that I’ve got his back.
Had the anger I felt taken over, the meanings he’d have created may have been very different.
Leadership is a choice. You can make choices in the moment that determine your energy, influence the way you lead and craft the meanings your child takes from the exchange.
