Connecting with Your Child When You’re Busy

Ever heard the phrase, take care of the pennies and the pounds take care of themselves (I’m English born!)?

What if the same were true with taking care of the minutes with your child?

“Take care of the minutes and the hours take care of themselves” Lord Chesterfield

In a recent Parent as Leader workshop, a parent asked, how can I connect more with my child in the time I have?

Time with your child, is more than time with your child. They make meaning out of that time with you, meanings like: I believe I am worthy of your time. I believe I am worthy of your energy. I believe someone likes to play with me. I believe there’s always space for fun even when life gets busy. I believe someone cares about me and what I like to do. I believe someone thinks I’m important. Children formulate these beliefs from a young age and they stay with them.

A friend of mine, Dr Irena O’Brien, founder of The Neuroscience School shares with us how our thoughts are self-fulfilling prophecies. Focusing on making the moments quality (in other words, taking care of the minutes) helps embed useful thoughts for your child that will support them for life.

So, how do you increase the quality of your moments?

By changing your experience of time. Time is a concept. How you experience time is a perception.

In any give moment you are subject to your thoughts and beliefs, your expectations of yourself, your expectations of others, your emotions, your past memories – these all come bearing down on you, and can leave you feeling like you no control over time.

I’ll show you how this works:

Experience of time moving fast..

I’ve got 5 minutes, I want some time with Luke, what shall I play with him that he will enjoy, once I’ve finished playing with him I’ll finish cooking, by then it will be dinner time, I know what the kids are having for dinner, what shall we have for dinner, I’ll check in the fridge. Meanwhile, you’ve been sitting there with Luke distracted with your thoughts, the five minutes have elapsed and it’s time to do whatever is next. Neither of you feel fulfilled.

Experience of time moving slow..

I’ve got 5 minutes, I want some time with Luke, what shall I play with him that he will enjoy. Oh he’s already playing LEGO, I’ll join in with that. [no dialogue in your head, hear his sounds, his giggles, him asking you questions and you answering them]. 5 minutes feels like 15 minutes. You do what’s next, feeling satisfied and fulfilled. Luke feels happy he got some quality time with you and some great meanings are set in motion for him and you.

Understanding the way you think and formulating strategies to choose your thoughts will help you deepen your connection with your child in the time you have. It’s gets easier with practice.

Not every moment with your child has to be quality. A few good quality moments a week are enough.

Penny for your thoughts..?