How to Recover After a Big Parenting Mistake

Have you ever had one of those moments where your world crashes in, and you wonder whether you should even be a parent?

This morning, a dear friend turned up on my doorstep in tears—shaking, overwhelmed, and full of self-blame. She had gone into work that day with a niggling feeling that something wasn’t quite right.

As the manager, she was told someone had left a baby in their car. Outraged and curious, she went to investigate, only to realise, as she approached the vehicle… it was her car.

She had left her baby in the car. For 20 minutes.

Fortunately—thankfully—her baby was completely safe and well.

Now, let’s pause here. It’s easy to judge from the outside.
"How could she forget her own baby?"
"What kind of mother does that?"

But as she sat on my couch, repeating over and over,
"I can’t believe I did this."
"What kind of mother am I?"
"I love my baby more than anything..."

All I saw was a deeply loving, exhausted mother who’d been running on empty.

Let me paint the full picture.

Nine days before this happened, her baby became unwell. After multiple doctor visits, there were still no answers. The baby screamed day and night. She tried a new doctor. A little improvement, but still no sleep.

Then her older child started vomiting. Four bed changes that night. Then she got the bug. Still, she got up, made breakfasts, packed lunches, held it together, and went to work across two jobs.

Nine straight days of broken sleep.

So yes, her brain had short-circuited that morning. And yes, she made a mistake. But she didn’t stop loving her baby, not for a second.

And I knew exactly how she felt.

When my firstborn was just 8 weeks old, I stayed at my mum’s house. I was bone-tired. One night I gave him a bath—washed his tummy, turned him over to rinse his back… and didn’t realise I’d submerged his tiny head under water.

I turned him over and saw his face underwater. I screamed. My parents rushed in. He was okay, but I was in shock.

I remember thinking:
"How could I have done that?"
"Am I even meant to be a mum?"

These moments—our worst ones—can leave lasting scars if we don’t give ourselves the space to process and heal.

So how do we move forward after something like this? How do we pick ourselves up off the bathroom floor, the car park pavement, the couch covered in guilt, and lead ourselves through it?

Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Ask for help
Call on someone—your partner, a friend, a neighbour, or a paid support. Let someone give you the gift of sleep, food, or space. You can’t function when you’re in survival mode.

2. Watch for catastrophising
Your mind may spiral: “What if the baby had died?” or “What if no one found her?”
This is your brain in fear mode. It’s not reality. Gently tell yourself: “Drop it.” Come back to the present.

3. Accept what happened
This isn’t about liking it. It’s about facing it. It happened. You can’t change the past—but you can change how you meet yourself in it.

4. Gather the learnings
Ask: “What signs did I miss that I’m running on empty?”
“What do I need to say no to?”
“How can I make sure I get rest next time before it reaches crisis point?”

5. Forgive yourself
This is the hardest and most important part.
What would you say to a friend who’d gone through what you did?
“You’re still a beautiful mum.”
“This one moment doesn’t define you.”
Now say those words to yourself. Again. And again. Until they land.

You’re not alone.
You’re not broken.
You’re human.

These worst moments are not the end of the story. They’re just the middle. And when we lead ourselves with gentleness and truth, we create space for healing, wisdom, and deeper connection with our children—and ourselves.

Have you ever had a moment that left you shaken as a parent—where you couldn’t believe what had just happened?
You’re not alone. And your story matters.

Share it with me—if it feels safe. Or take a moment to reflect in your journal. The first step to healing is telling the truth… to yourself.