5 things that set up children for life

After a decade of working with parents and a similar amount of time unlearning and healing myself on my own path to forging my best life, there are some fundamental pieces that have emerged that genuinely set children up for life. These are the themes I’ve discovered and a suggestion of one way you can lead your child to embed them. 

Are you ready? Here we go…

1. Knowing their worth

When a child believes they are worthy no matter what, they are free to chase their dreams and make them a reality. They are not deterred by failure. They are not measured by external success because they know their worth is unconditional and whatever they achieve or not, they are worthy anyway. This builds their courage for life. 

 Lead: When giving feedback, separate their identity. For example, you did really great playing your piano instead of, you’re a great piano player. 

2. Understanding what makes them unique.

Most human misery comes from trying to live someone else’s life. A child who understands and owns their unique qualities is comfortable being who they are, they accept and love who they are and don’t feel the need to live anyone else’s life. This is the foundation of a healthy connection with themselves for life. 

Lead: Notice where you don’t understand or feel triggered by their behaviour, this difference is likely their uniqueness showing up. 

3. Space to build their capability

Every family has differences and challenges. There’s no such thing as a perfect family. When a child doesn’t have to be involved in the differences and they have space to focus on their challenges, this builds their resilience in way that is healthy and sustainable. A child that feels like they are empowered with the skills to navigate their own challenges rather than needing to fix family challenges builds a healthy boundary around what is their responsibility and what is not. 

Lead: Take radical responsibility for what you think, feel, say and do and how you work together as a family to create a healthy boundary for your child. 

4. Knowing you will love them even if they fail

The thing a child fears most (after physical safety) is emotional safety - losing their parents love because they expressed a big emotion, made a mistake or did something the parent didn’t understand is one of their biggest fears. Every day we are communicating a message to our child around what we feel when they do any of these things.  No parent is perfect but when we can embed in our children that they are loved even when they have intense emotions, even when they make a mistake and even when we don’t understand them, we give them a foundation of resilience for life. 

Lead: Become aware of how you talk to yourself when you make a mistake. Are you kind to yourself? 

5. Trusting their inner voice

We all have an inner knowing, voice or vision for who we are and what we bring into this world. This voice speaks quietly and oftentimes can get really loud until we listen. For some this is a loud wake up call in their health, for others it’s a loss of something or someone significant. For others it is the insatiable drive that there's something more for them in life. It’s there in all of us if we listen and helps us navigate our path, access our creativity and live to our fullest potential. Children when they are young listen quite clearly to their inner voice and each of the 4 things above, help them to continue to listen beyond childhood into adulthood. 

Lead: Listen when your child doesn’t feel comfortable with something like speaking to someone or being affectionate, they are letting you know what their inner voice is telling them. The more you listen the more validated their inner voice will be. 

Whilst each one of these things sound simple, they are not easy to build and implement. And we can absolutely develop the skills and build the capacity to set up our children for their best life. 

Much love

Dina