We’re All Screwed Up…
We’re all screwed up in our own way.
It took me a while to realise that I’m screwed up… You see, whatever age you are, whatever your gender, whatever your marital status, whatever your sexual preference, there’s one thing I know about you (and me) for a fact. You are a human being.
And if you are a human being, you are subject to your humanness… which goes something like this…an external event happens, you make meaning of that event and the meaning you choose determines your experience. You usually choose the meaning on default, based on 1) whatever has happened to you in the past, 2) whatever you believe and 3) the style in which you think and 4) Your emotions. Which means, your meaning of events that happen can be similar or vastly differently to others, depending upon one or more of these four factors. Your meanings then determine your perception, which determines how to react. And the way you react creates your world around you.
It sounds so simple doesn’t it.
The screwed up part is, when most of your meanings were formulated as a child and young adult, you had little or no say in the formulation process, unless you deliberately challenged the meanings you held. So to some degree we are all screwed up, but we may not know it until we react in way that we don’t identify with. It’s like an alien invasion. You can see a green figure with eyes popping out of her head talking like you do, but you have no idea where she came from.
Two areas of life that have highlighted my screwed-up-ness are Parenting and Starting my own Business. Both have created massive change and both have required massive growth.
Those who do not move, do not notice their chains. ~Rosa Luxemburg
Do you notice similar triggers in yourself?
Whatever is happening for you right now, if your child is annoying you or pushing your buttons, you’re struggling with time, you’d like more connection with your child or partner, your daily routine is exhausting or your child is not listening to you – you can change your experience of any of these events by firstly changing the way you think about them.
The challenging part is digging out the meanings because they are buried at the back of your mind, blocking your parenting goals. There are ways to dig out the meanings by understanding the way you think, which exponentially improves communication in your family, reduces your overwhelm and stress levels and helps you identify your authentic parenting style.
Ahhh authentic parenting style….where art thou? Parenting in other people’s way is draining. Discovering and harnessing your unique parenting style is freeing. You no longer worry if you are doing enough and you move to a place of knowing that you are. Your presence and energy for your children increase and everyone thrives that bit more, as a result.
