Pre-Schooler Playground Battles to Joys
Have you ever had a situation in a public playground where your child is trying to play on something and there’s not much sharing going on? Do you know how to handle it?
I took my three-year-old to a nearby playground. He was so excited because he loves playing on the wooden pirate boat. As soon as I opened the gate, he ran over to the boat and found two girls standing at the helm with their mums chatting at the entrance.
I watched as my little 95cm boy approached the mums and asked, “Can I have a turn next on the boat?” I saw the mums smile and nod their heads. He was smiling too and walked off to play on other equipment. Ten minutes later, he went back and asked a second time. This time, the mums looked at him, looked at each other, and then continued their conversation.
I had been watching my brave little boy ask two adult women, twice his height, for something with so much courage. I felt a sense of pride in him.
Then he came over to me in tears and said, “They won’t let me have a turn on the boat.”
My instinct was to say, “They will, sweetheart.” But in that moment, I realised that the message I was sending to him was that it was ok not to share, and that when faced with a challenge, you just sit and hope it will pass.
The biggest realisation was that he had come to me for help after trying twice himself. I wanted him to know that he could always come to me if he needed me, and that I would help him when I could. I realised that my actions needed to align with my thoughts.
So, I went up and asked if it was ok for my child to have a go. The reply was, “Of course!” They all played happily together. I felt empowered, and we both had fun!
To feel empowered and have fun in the playground, try out these steps:
1) Be Clear on Intention
Ask yourself, “What is my intention here?” For me, my intention was to get my child a turn on the boat and do so in a calm, relaxed, and confident manner.
2) Understand the Context
If you are in a public playground, all children have equal rights to play with the equipment.
3) Permission Frame
Ask for permission: “Is it ok if [insert child’s name] has a go on the boat?” This immediately breaks down the barriers of the person you are speaking with, as you have given them a choice in how to respond.
4) Limit Either/Or Thinking
Thinking “either he plays or they do” can cause conflict unnecessarily. Of course, if it were a swing and only one person could play at a time, this would be a different story! Encourage the children to play together so no one misses out.
5) Kick the Mind Reading
Starting an internal dialogue, such as “They wouldn’t like it if it were their child,” can lead you to feeling angry or defensive. This might stop you from approaching the situation with the best mindset. The fact is, you have no way of knowing what they are thinking. By dealing with the facts of the situation — in this case, getting your child a turn — you are more likely to have your requests met and feel empowered.
6) Power of Choice
Ask yourself, “What can I do that is within my power and gives me choice?” For example, you can ask the parent for permission. You can choose to be patient or encourage your child to play on something else. By making and owning your choice, you maintain your power.
7) Encourage, Trust, and Support
Let your child know he can rely on you. If he asks for your help, encourage him to help himself a couple of times, and then step in.
How do you handle sharing in a public playground? What’s worked for you?
I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Reach out to me and let me know — let’s keep the conversation going about raising empowered, emotionally aware kids. If you’re looking for more conscious parenting tools get in touch to see how I can support you.