When Your Partner “Sneaks Off” and You’re Left Holding the Fort

Have you ever found yourself managing the kids while your partner mysteriously disappears?

Sunday morning, this happened to me. I offered my husband a sleep-in and woke up early with the kids. I made pancakes, saved him some, and kept the morning humming along. He finally surfaced at 10am after a solid rest, had his breakfast, and then... quietly vanished.

Turns out, he was tucked away in a peaceful corner with his iPad. Meanwhile, I was outside supervising a play activity and juggling some work. By the time my youngest came to me for the fifth time, frustration bubbled up. I thought, He got a lie-in and breakfast... can’t he at least take over with the kids for a while?

I don’t like feeling resentful, and I value responding with choice over reactivity. So I walked myself through some different perspectives.

1. My Perspective

From my lens, it felt unfair. I had given him rest, made him food, and now I was carrying the load again.

2. His Perspective

Maybe he genuinely needed some “him time.” Maybe he lost track of time, or simply didn’t realise I was expecting more from him. When I step into his shoes, I feel less annoyed, and more compassionate.

3. The Fly-on-the-Wall Perspective

If someone were to observe us, they’d see a family enjoying a slow Sunday. Dad on his iPad, Mum on her laptop, and the kids splashing in a paddling pool on a warm spring morning. That image brings me a surprising sense of appreciation.

4. The Systems Perspective

Zooming out to see our marriage as a whole, I realise... giving each other time to recharge contributes to the health of our relationship. If his solo time fills his cup, it benefits all of us. And that makes me feel uplifted, not burdened.

From annoyed to grateful... all from a shift in thought.

So today, I’m letting it go. If this becomes a recurring pattern, I’ll speak up. But for now, I’m choosing peace.

And that, too, is part of conscious parenting... choosing our perspective, moment by moment.

If you often feel like you're doing more than your fair share, you're not alone... and you don’t have to stay stuck in frustration. Inside the Stressed to Best Parent Method, I teach simple yet powerful mindset and communication tools that help you shift resentment, build teamwork, and stay connected through the ups and downs of parenting and partnership.
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