How Do You Handle It When Your Partner “Sneaks” Off….

Do you have times, perhaps on the weekends, where you are looking after the kids and your partner is nowhere to be found?

Sunday morning this happened to me. I offered my husband a lie in on Sunday morning and I woke up with the kids. I made some pancakes and left plenty for hubby when he woke. He had a great sleep until one of the kids woke him up at around 10am. He had breakfast and I prepared a play activity for the kids outside. Then hubby was nowhere to be found (OK he was in a quiet corner with an iPad). He finally surfaced at midday ready to play with the kids.

So what went through my mind? When the youngest came to me for the 5th time whilst I was trying to finish some work, I began to feel annoyed. I was thinking, hang on, hubby got a lie in, I made him breakfast, the least he could he could was entertain the kids for a bit!

I don’t like feeling annoyed and I like to respond with choice rather than fly off the handle, so I can began to think from different perspectives.

The first perspective was my perspective, described above, which left me feeling annoyed.

The second perspective was Hubby’s perspective. Perhaps he needed some “him time.”  Perhaps he hadn’t even considered that I may like him to do something different than what he was. Perhaps, he got lost in time as he can do sometimes. This perspective left me feeling less annoyed and more understanding.

The third perspective was a fly on the wall perspective. What would someone looking at four of us be seeing?  Well, they would see a family having a relaxing Sunday morning. Daddy, on his iPad in a corner, Mummy on her laptop in the garden and the kids playing in the paddling pool on this warm spring day. Leaving me feeling a sense of appreciation for this morning we had created.

The fourth perspective is the systems perspective – where does each of our behaviour and each of our reactions fit into the bigger scheme of things. The scheme of our marriage for example. Well, hubby having some time for him is really good for him and if it makes him feel better, I feel really good having allowed him that time. This, I feel, contributes to the understanding and care of each other that are the foundations of our marriage. Now I am feeling uplifted.

I went from annoyed to uplifted all by myself by choosing what to think.  So I’ve decided to let it go this time. If it happens lots of times I might decide to have a conversation about it. But not today. Peace and harmony is maintained in our house today.

I love the wisdom that comes with multiple perspectives…

How do you handle it when your partner sneaks off?