Is your child struggling at school?
My client has a 7-year-old son. She shared with me how he had behavioural issues at school and was really struggling.
Each time she saw the school number on her phone, a knot would immediately form in her stomach. And she’d think, “Here we go again. What’s it going to be this time?”
(Side note, it irks me that Mum still gets the first call from school even though they have Dad's number on file too - at least that’s been my experience…has it been yours too?? I digress…).
Her son is a strong-willed child. So in the car on the way home, he would either deny the school event happened or vent at my client with all the things that happened that day that led him to act out in such a way. He would even sometimes blame my client, saying it was her fault he was having such a hard time at school.
My client, a strong capable and inspiring woman was breaking down almost daily. And was at a loss for what to do.
This is not an uncommon scenario by the time parents find me. They’ve tried resolving things with the school. They’ve tried different behavioural strategies and still do not see the big changes they want to see.
Living with this degree of stress on a daily basis, takes its toll on everyone.
And the vision you have of the family life you want to live starts to shatter.
After my From Stressed Parent to Best Parent program, my client went from feeling hopeless to feeling empowered. And from stressed to truly feeling her best.
I’d like to think it’s magical, but it’s really a whole lot of science and process around these three things:
Understanding the bias with which you view your child’s behaviour. We have our own perspective of our child’s behaviour based on our own upbringing and past experiences. When we feel challenged by our child, it’s usually because our perspective doesn’t include their type of behaviour, it’s not familiar to us so we reject it.
Understanding your unique child. Some children’s natural behaviours are not recognised in the school system and they often feel unseen and unheard at school as a result. Being able to see and hear them at home is the key to settling their nervous system and hence their behaviour aka find value in their behaviour and acknowledge it. For example, your child may know how to goad a child at school or a sibling at home. This is strategic behaviour. Asking them to help organise the shoes so everyone can put them on quicker is also strategic behaviour - and a much healthier outlet.
Closing the gap. Learning to communicate in ways your child feels heard and understood and aligning with your co-parent (if you have one) so you are leading your child from the same page provides a solid foundation of their sense of self and consistency in their behaviour.
My client sent me this about another car trip, shortly after the program.
“I took my son out for a picnic and using those kind of motivational communication tools that you taught us for him. He has his own code, and I asked once, there was no screaming, no shouting, no banging the drum. He went and packed his own little snack bag, picnic bags. And off we went.”
Oh, and the behavioural challenges at school dissolved. Like magic..not really!
If your child’s behaviour feels challenging at the moment, please know there is hope. And please know that it does take effort but it’s not rocket science to live a family life closer to the one you envisioned. It’s never going to be exactly the same because life is not perfect, but it can so much more enjoyable and you feel like the best parent for making it happen.
You deserve the family life you want.
Much love
Dina xxx